The free guide · England & Wales
3 things he's hoping you never find out
Plus four more nobody tells you before you sign. Written in plain English. Educational information only — not legal advice.
3 minute read · 7 chapters · Nothing to download
Read this once, slowly. None of it is complicated, and none of it requires you to make a single decision today. It is simply the set of things that, in our experience, women most often wish somebody had told them at the beginning rather than the middle.
Number 01
The pension is often worth more than the house — and nobody has to tell you it exists
The family home is the asset everybody talks about, because it is the one you can see and stand inside. Pensions are invisible. They are also, in a long marriage, frequently the largest or second-largest asset on the table.
It is remarkably common for a couple to reach an agreement without either person ever having seen a pension statement. 'You keep the house, I'll keep my pension' can sound generous in the kitchen and look very different across the next twenty years.
Asking for a valuation is not a hostile act. Every professional you speak to will assume you already have one.
In the toolkit: the Asset & Property Inventory records every pension, provider and valuation in one place, with the document that supports each figure.Number 02
A private agreement is not the same thing as a financial order
This is the gap that costs women the most, and almost nobody explains it early. An agreement written down between the two of you — however sincerely made, however fair it felt on the day — is not the same as a court-approved financial order.
We cannot tell you how this applies to your circumstances; that is exactly the question to put to a solicitor. But knowing the distinction exists is what makes you ask it. Most people never do.
In the toolkit: 'Don't Agree Until You've Checked' walks you through what to understand before you sign anything at all.Number 03
Whoever holds the paperwork controls the pace — and the story
If the accounts, statements, mortgage details and business figures all live on one person's laptop, that person decides what gets seen and when. Delay is a strategy, and it is a cheap one to use against somebody who has nothing written down.
The moment you have your own organised copy of the financial picture, that advantage disappears. It is the single most protective piece of preparation you can do, and it costs you nothing but an afternoon.
In the toolkit: the Financial Discovery Workbook and Document Preparation Checklist give you the whole picture, line by line, in one private place.
A quick note
Knowing this is the easy part. Writing it all down is the work.
Keep reading — there are four more below. The toolkit is waiting whenever you want the workbooks that do this with you.
And four more nobody tells you
Number 04
You need a real monthly number — before anyone asks you for one
Running a home alone surfaces costs that were invisible when they were shared. The woman who can say 'I need £2,340 a month, and here is the breakdown' is in a completely different position to the woman who says 'I think I'd manage.'
In the toolkit: the Divorce Budget Planner calculates both positions — what you spend now, and what independence is likely to cost.Number 05
Joint debt stays joint, whoever spent the money
A credit card or loan in both names remains both of yours until it is formally dealt with, regardless of who moved out. Knowing exactly what sits in your name, their name and both names is fast, free and quietly protective.
Number 06
Solicitors bill by the hour — including the hours you could have saved them
Family solicitors in England and Wales commonly charge between £200 and £400 an hour. That meter runs at the same rate whether they are giving you hard-won expertise or waiting while you look for last year's P60. Arriving organised is the cheapest thing you will ever do.
In the toolkit: every checklist is built to move that admin to your own kitchen table instead of billable time.Number 07
Your questions deserve to be written down
Consultations pass very quickly, emotions are high, and most people leave with a blur rather than answers — then remember the three things they meant to ask on the drive home. A written list changes the quality of that hour entirely.
In the toolkit: a full Solicitor Question Bank you tick through in the room, with space to write the answers down.
What to do this week
- 1.Open one folder — paper or digital — and put every financial document you can find in it.
- 2.Write down every account, policy, pension and debt you know exists, even the ones you're unsure about.
- 3.Work out, honestly, what one month of your own life costs.
- 4.Write your questions down as they occur to you, before you speak to anyone.
- 5.Agree to nothing until you have had those questions answered by a solicitor.
Written for England and Wales. The law and process differ in Scotland and Northern Ireland. This guide is educational information only and is not legal advice. Please take independent advice about your own circumstances.
You've finished the guide
You now know what to do. The toolkit is where you actually do it.
Eleven workbooks, checklists and trackers that take every point above and turn it into filled-in pages: every asset and pension listed, your real monthly number calculated, your documents gathered, your questions written down ready for the room. It is the preparation a solicitor would otherwise do with you at £200–£400 an hour — estimated value £1,697.
The next step
The toolkit does all seven of these with you.
Eleven workbooks, checklists and trackers in one private dashboard — estimated value £1,697, one payment of £47.
Get the complete toolkit